Hourglass
by fruor
Summary: ONESHOT. Sometimes, no matter how many times you try, the outcome is always the same. SephClo.


**Hourglass**

By: fruor

**Summary: **ONESHOT. Sometimes, no matter how many times you try, the outcome is always the same. SephClo.

**Rating: **M (because its gory and psychotic)

**Genre: **Drama/Angst

**Pairing: **SephirothxCloud

**Disclaimer:** Final Fantasy VII is created by Square-Enix. Thank heavens for their existence! *worships*

**Note:** Because I was reading a lot of fics that deal with changing the past, I suddenly had this what-if idea. So I decided to write this _very long_ one-shot.

**Note(again):** Meh...I might've missed a few apostrophes or quotation marks. FFnet ate them up and I just edited it...so yeah...

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When he first realized that he wasn't dreaming, that he was truly back in the past, in his body as a young teen, Cloud felt a mixture of thankfulness, hope, fear and dread. In the early hours of the morning, he stared wide-eyed, his eyes glowing a faint green mako glow, at the underside of the top bunker bed in the room he shared he thought of everything that he could change. He diligently worked at his classes and trained his body. He wanted to become a SOLDIER after all. He couldn't achieve that before but he most definitely wanted it now, even if it was only for self-satisfaction. He eventually met Zack as he did before. They became friends, _better_ friends than they were before and Cloud promised to himself that he would become stronger and stronger so that Zack would never be forced to protect him like he did before and it resulted in Zack constantly complaining that he trained too much and worried too much.

One day, Cloud met Sephiroth. Zack was the one who introduced them to each other. It was inevitable ever since Zack became the generals right-hand man. Cloud was wary of every movement and every word that came that came out of the General's mouth. He had to be. He may have been an admirer in the previous past but this man...this man was the one who had almost destroyed the world in that previous life. This man destroyed his hometown, killed his mother, _killed Aerith_, caused _Zack's death_, endangered and threatened the lives of his friends, and used him as nothing more than a _puppet_. This man was insane. Sephiroth was a monster. Cloud had to stop this monster.

Cloud watched the General carefully. As expected, Sephiroth had noticed and had begun watching the young Cloud Strife back. Cloud hadn't really thought he could get away with his observation unnoticed and he was prepared to face whatever the consequences head first but Sephiroth's eyes made him scared, terrified and paranoid. He started carrying a knife whenever he went, hiding it in one of his boots. It was better safe than sorry.

Cloud passed the SOLDIER exam. Zack held a party to celebrate and invited everyone he knew, including the general. It was past cadet curfew when Sephiroth appeared much to Cloud's surprise, routinely giving his congratulations and welcome into SOLDIER which Cloud hesitantly accepted. Watching Sephiroth as he mingled with other SOLDIERs, Cloud couldn't help but think that this man was much more normal; albeit, not the most expressive man in the world but he was much more human and much less of a monster. Immediately, Cloud relaxed. This man cannot be the monster from his previous future. Maybe this time wasn't the same as before. After all, Cloud _had_ changed a lot of events already.

It was a mission to Nibelheim that made Cloud regret his leniency.

Years later, Cloud killed Sephiroth in the Northern Crater with the same group he had last time. Zack and Aeris still died and his hometown had still burned to the ground along with his mother. Nothing had changed.

######

On the 2nd time he came back to the past, Cloud kept a closer eye on Sephiroth. He wasn't about to make the same mistake again. At times, he wished the General wasn't so sane. It would be a lot easier to face him if he was a homicidal maniac from the start. Then he wouldn't have to be so conflicted with destroying the man.

So he decided to keep a much closer watch over the General, mind focused on the horror of his sins, but to Cloud's surprise, it was the General who had watched him first and it was him who had approached him. Cloud tried to keep his distance but it was impossible when the General was so intent in getting closer to him. One day, Sephiroth expressed how much he cared for the cadet, how he loved him. At first, Cloud had doubted him since this man would become someone incapable of such things but he as he thought about it, he realized that love is a powerful emotion. His love for Tifa, for his mother, for _Zack_, for Aerith, for his friends, it was this love that had pushed him to face many dangers. _It was this love that had gave him the strength to face Sephiroth_. And so, he decided to use the General's feelings to his advantage. If this love was strong enough between them, Sephiroth would never fall into Jenova's clutches.

Deceit was never Clouds forte. At times, he wondered whether those laughs he shared with the silver General, those moments in each other's arms, and those _secrets_ passing through their lips were genuine or not but he steeled himself and focused on the purpose of all these: to stop Jenova from destroying the planet.

But this love could not stop Jenova.

Cloud, with the Buster sword in hand, charged towards Sephiroth. He raised the blade high up and stopped. Sephiroth noticed and drove Masamune through Clouds chest. He couldn't swing the blade down. As he fell down onto the hard and cold floor, blood pouring out like a river from his wound, Cloud realized, _Ah, I must've loved this man._

It was seven years later when Cloud Strife, along with Avalanche, set off to stop Sephiroth from launching Meteor.

######

It was the 3rd time and this time, Cloud Strife planned everything properly. He disposed of the documents in the Shinra Mansion to prevent General Sephiroth from believing Jenova was his mother. He destroyed Jenova's corpse. He gave the General the love that they both seek and need. He did everything in his power to make every event and moment be a positive influence to the planet. He had focused on this so much that he had neglected himself and failed the SOLDIER exams just like how it had originally gone. At times, Zack and Sephiroth would question him on what he was so obsessed with but they never got an answer.

He decided to visit Aerith this time around. As an Ancient, she would understand the planet more than he did but when they met she reacted in a very peculiar fashion. It was only after an innumerable number of failures would he understand why her tears just kept on pouring and why she repeatedly apologized.

The dreaded Nibelheim mission came sooner than expected. Unlike before, Cloud wasn't part of the team to investigate the reactor. Nervously, he waited and what came back to him were the bodies of the two infantrymen who accompanied Sephiroth and Zack and he knew, he knew that Sephiroth was gone and that Zack was now Hojo's test subject. In desperation, he quit Shinra and rushed back to Nibelheim but there he found nothing but ash and he would find nothing but dirt for the years to come.

Cloud and Hojo never met and when he faced Sephiroth years later, he was no match for his strength and pathetically lost.

######

Every time he tried saving everybody, Cloud ultimately finds himself blade against blade with Sephiroth. This time around, he decided to save just one person: Sephiroth. And he did. He did save Sephiroth and the rest of the people in the planet, AVALANCHE and himself included, were buried under the cracking earth of Gaia.

######

They were making love. Cloud Strife was straddling the General's waist, receiving each thrust with his own, gasping in pleasure and calling his lovers name. They had been lovers many other times before this and each and every time, Cloud Strife had his heart ripped apart and he had killed Sephiroth to protect Gaea and everyone in the planet. Cloud leaned forward and met the General's lips with a chaste kiss then, with a bittersweet smile, drove a kitchen knife through his lover's chest.

Cloud Strife was sentenced to death for killing the General. His death came a week after.

A decade afterwards, the planet was taken over by geostigma. The planet became a barren wasteland ridden with ghosts and bones. There were barely any survivors left and they too would fall victim to death soon.

######

Cadet Cloud Strife infiltrated the Science department and killed every scientist that blocked his path. He reached his target and, with a broad sword in his blood stained hands beheaded Hojo. He stood there, letting the blood on his skin, clothes and weapon dry, until he was surrounded by infantrymen and arrested. He was guillotined the next morning. Sephiroth thanked him secretly for killing the man who had ruined his childhood then, years later, after reading the files in Hojo's lab in the Shinra Mansion, cursed him for denying him the pleasure of revenge.

But ..._mother..._ told Sephiroth that feeling anger over such things was useless.

######

He had lost count of how many times hed returned to his bunker bed as a cadet trying to get into SOLDIER. Cloud was frustrated, disappointed and angry at himself for letting the planet fall into ruin for who knows how many times. Nothing he did changed much about the future and so he decided to run away. He quit SOLDIER and left Shinra. Zack asked him why and begged him to reconsider but Cloud gave him a cynical smile and answered that he just wanted a change of scenery. Cloud ignored him when he incredulously proclaimed that he hadn't been in Shinra very long to be tired of it.

Riding a chocobo across the Midgar swamp, Cloud was caught by a Zolom despite the fact that chocobo should have been able to outrun these monsters. He fought as hard as he could but was no match for the monster. His corpse was never found and laid rotting in the Zolom's belly until Meteor fell.

Cloud opened his eyes and saw the bottom side of his bunker. He knew his time had rewound once again.

######

Cloud was desperate. He had done _everything_ he could think of to prevent the destruction of the Planet and he was so very tired of preventing a future that he had experience a milliard of times. The first time he met the General face to face in this lifetime was when Zack had introduced them to each other. Cloud couldn't quite remember how it started but from his lips poured out the countless number of futures Sephiroth's sins he had experienced. Both Zack and Sephiroth were bewildered but soon, the General's mood grew dark and sour. He had shouted for Cloud to stop but his voice continued to accuse the General of deeds that he had never done, _not in this lifetime_. Zack tried to stop him. He covered Cloud's mouth, pulling the blonde away from Sephiroth. Quicker than lightning, Sephiroth's blade came down and Zack was left with Cloud's torso in his hands.

In the slums of Midgar, a legend was born that a certain General's lieuntenant had rebelled against said superior and it ultimately brought about the downfall of Shinra. The General had vanished without trace; whether he was alive or not, nobody knows but the lieuntenant was said to be the man who conquered the planet with that Ancient whom he called _Mother_.

######

**_Cloud_**

He could hear the rush of footsteps echoing on metal plates. There were two of them, he noted, and one just stopped short of this place. _Ah, that must be Zack. I'm sure he couldn't just leave the soldier I knocked down. _The footsteps grew louder and he knew by the time between the steps that this man was taking long strides, hurried but graceful nonetheless. _Just how he'd always been..._

"Cadet Cloud Strife! Explain yourself!"

_And the same deep baritone voice..._. Cloud looked at the corner of his eyes and immediately recognized the glint of Masamune's blade. He smiled a little but remembered quite hazily that they weren't lovers this time around. He refused every time Zack offered to introduce them to each other. He didn't think he could take dyeing his hands with the blood of the person he loved. Even now he could still see the blood on his hands from all those times he had killed Sephiroth before and they grow darker and more vivid each time. Sometimes he gets lost in his memories and he had stop and recall what his truth was in this lifetime.

"I gave an order, cadet!" Sephiroth shifted closer, close enough for his blade to thrust into Cloud if ever the cadet acts violent, "Explain!" he shifted his blade and pointed at the _thing_ in the blonde's hands.

Cloud looked at his hands and swallowed. Pressed firmly between his palms was the head of a woman, its silver hair dripping in diluted mako; on its forehead lay a metal plate engraved with J-E-N-O-V-A. "This a devil." He said, gritting his teeth, "A devil that whispers evil in people's ears." He pressed the unmoving head of Jenova to his chest and turned to face the General. Sephiroth adjusted quickly, ready to receive any attack but Cloud only gave him a little smile, "You know, I _loved_ you."

The General immediately jumped a foot back.

"But you _broke_ me and you made me kill you again and again and again and again..." Cloud sighed and turned his eyes on the mess of Jenovas head. He tightened his hold. "I've lost count already...of all the times I had to repeat...this life...this mission..." He could feel Sephiroth's gaze on him but he didn't want to meet his eyes. "And I'm just tired now... I just want to stop...and I've tried to...many, many, many, many times but-" He jerked his head up, "Ah, I see. She must have been apologizing for this." Cloud's empty laugh echoed deep inside the reactor.

Then it was silent.

But maybe this time might be different... He took a few steps back and at the back of his mind, he noted the shuffling of leather, and blade slicing through the air. Cloud turned and stared directly into the General's mako eyes, "Because I'm not fit to be Gaia's hero." He took one leap back and let himself fall into the bubbling natural mako at the bottom of the reactor. Vaguely, Cloud noticed the General rush to grab him. As the world around him turned to black, he could hear a very familiar hoarse voice calling his name.

**_Sephiroth_**

"It's not like him to do something like this, Seph!"

"Whether it's like him or not, he already has!"

Sephiroth walked as fast as he could. Zack was already in front of him, panting and panicking.

"I mean, there _must_ be a reason!" Zack threw his hands in the air, "People don't just randomly decide to blow up their friend and general's sleeping quarters then rush to a reactor surrounded with monsters they can't handle onto a suicide mission!" He grumbled and cursed. "Shit! Something horrible must've happened!"

It was true though. Sephiroth had seen this cadet's-Cloud Strife's-records: great scores and impressive fighting abilities. Had he taken the SOLDIER exam this year, he would've passed quite well. Someone with such a bright future suddenly doing something so violent was shocking. There was nothing in his psychological profile about mental instability or anything of the sort. In fact, had he not known how serious a person this cadet was, he was sure this was nothing but a _prank_. After all, a dynamite explosion was nothing to SOLDIER operative, much less two Firsts. There was indeed something wrong.

The reactor was in sight already. In a mad dash, the two of them reached it in less than a minute. Inside, the first thing they saw was the signs of a struggle, bullet holes on every wall. Further inside, the body of the other cadet was found unconscious, his head bleeding slightly.

"Argh!" Zack screamed in frustration, "I'll take care of this kid! _Please _check up on Cloud!" He knelt down beside the cadet and checked for his vitals.

Sephiroth spared no time and turned to go further inside as quickly as he can. As he went he heard Zack yell, "Just be _gentle_! Don't scare him!" Immediately, he sped up. Inside him he could hear voices whispering so fast that he couldn't understand anything at all but the sound of his footsteps and the pounding of his heart was a thunderstorm that drowned out all other noises.

When he saw blond figure, he paused, took a deep breath and walked in calm long strides. He could hear his heart pounding excitedly, overlapping that loud harsh whisper buzzing in his was a bit nervous. This would be the first moment they would meet face to face. He had noticed the cadet at the entrance ceremony a few years back. He _felt_ familiar even though Sephiroth was sure he had never met him before. He became curious when Zack started yapping about him excitedly. He was a bit disappointed when the cadet refused to meet him but he had since then, watched from afar when he had spare time.

Sephiroth closed in on Cloud and his eyes immediately fell on the thing _a ghastly head_ between his palms. The buzzing in his ears grew louder. In one swift motion, he drew his blade and pointed it at the head. "Cadet Cloud Strife! Explain yourself!" His voice boomed in the enclosed area.

Cloud barely glanced at him then returned his eyes to the head.

_Danger._ The General's senses tingled. Again, he repeated, putting more force and power in his voice, "I gave you an order, cadet!" he moved closer, "Explain!"

Cloud pressed the head to his chest. Sephiroth felt his heart thump. "This is a devil." Sephiroth noticed the strain in his voice, "A devil that whispers evil in people's ears."

It wasn't just his voice that sounded strained. It was his face, his body itself. To Sephiroth, Cloud looked tired. Tired, old and broken. The buzzing in his ears started forming words. _...iLl...CHi...tHEr...Mo... _The inscription on the head was familiar. J-E-N-O-

"You know, I loved you."

The buzzing stopped. Sephiroth quickly jumped back, feeling ill intent radiate from that thing Cloud was holding. Quickly, he turned his attention to Cloud and wondered whether he heard him right. When he said "loved", Sephiroth sounded like _tears_.

"But you _broke_ me and you made me kill you again and again and again and again..."

The General stopped breathing for a second. He wanted to tell him that he had never done such things to him_-not to Strife_-but he couldn't. _Why couldn't I deny that?_

"I've lost count already...of all the times I had to repeat...this life...this mission..."

Sephiroth was lost. The buzzing in his ears had returned and it was growing louder and louder and it was drowning out Cloud's voice that he so wanted to hear.

"And I'm just tired now... I just want to stop...and I've tried to...many, many, many, many times but-" Sephiroth concentrated on the blond, "Ah, I see. She must have been apologizing for this." Then Cloud started laughing and Sephiroth knew something bad was about to happen.

_That isn't how Cloud laughs. When he laughs its-MOthmOthEr..._

"But maybe this time might be different..."

Sephiroth shook off the buzzing in his ears, his nerves screaming danger more than it had ever done before.

"Because I'm not fit to be Gaia's hero." And Cloud had jumped.

To Sephiroth, it seemed like time had slowed down. He threw Masamune to the side and leaped towards the blonde. He stretched out his hand, knowing only that he must not let this person die.

In his mind flashes of Cloud replayed again and again: Cloud's smile, the way he looks when he laughs, his determination, his embarrassment when caught checking jewelry in a magazine, his terrified eyes, the tears falling from his broken eyes as he held a bloody knife in his hand-

"CLOUD!"

######

The first thing Cloud felt was the feel of sheets and a pillow on his head. He took a breath to calm himself then slowly opened his eyes. What came after was an ear-piercing scream that rattled the whole Shinra building.

**Owari**

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...and the cycle goes on and on and on until Clouds soul is shattered. At least that's how I want it XD Hehehe, excuse my sadistic tendencies. Truthfully, the ending could go the other way around. Cloud could've been saved and he's been asleep since they came back to Midgar. Well, for this one-shot the former would be appropriate. If this was going multi-chapter, I'd go for the latter.

Please take note that each paragraph is only a summary of what had happened during each life time. So, when I write that "they fell in love" or something of the like, it isn't meant to be a SNAP event. Stuff happened in between, okay? If this were a multi-chapter story, each section would probably be worth half a dozen chapters at least for everything to develop properly but as it stands, the point of this one-shot is NOT that...though if someone does want to turn this into a longer fic, feel free to PM me :D


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